Entrepreneur Åsa Sundberg did what is "forbidden" - after her divorce she moved to Stockholm - 40 miles from her children. A modern woman who prioritized her own needs or a selfish decision?
- If I had been a man, no one would have questioned my
choice. But as a woman, the environment reacts in a
completely different way. My switch didn't happen
overnight, it was a decision as necessary as it was painful.
What made you make the switch?
- It was my longing to find home, to be fully me - to live
my why, which finally took place. My switch didn't happen
overnight, I barely knew what to do or had a roadmap,
it was a carbonation that finally popped the cork.
A bear came to life in my chest, which I could not silence.
At the same time, it was in the middle of a period when
a lot was happening around me, a lot of sadness.
But in the midst of all the darkness, life felt very strong.
I didn't have an answer for exactly what to do or how, but
I understood why I needed to make a change.
That was enough. There was a strong confidence
in myself and what I wanted and could do.
What was the biggest challenge?
- In the beginning, the biggest challenge was making the decisions. Understanding that it was my decision to make and that it meant I pretty much broke all links with the grief that surrounded me. That it was now up to me and it would affect and change the lives of those I love and those who matter most. In the middle of everything: The anxiety and the loss of not always being with, and close to, the children. Would they ever understand? Have I damaged them forever? It was important for me to be honest with them, that I didn't "end up" here, I made a choice. A couple of years later, the challenge was to go from surviving to actually starting to live. Looking back, the total challenge was, all of the above, while feeling like I just have to do this, there's no alternative. I don't know how to do or cope with everything, but I understood why I needed to do it - My why was stronger than all the question marks surrounding the how. And I visualized my future, I felt it in my gut, what it looks like out there, even what it tastes like.
What reactions did you get?
- Surprisingly, mainly from women my own age. And mainly from my hometown. I had hoped for recognition or at least understanding from "my own", not for everything I did, but for why I needed to do it. The critical reactions, responding to them, became a kind of therapy to better understand myself, I saw them as a tool. The norm around what you can and can't get is still tight. There is an expectation of me as a woman, which is still marked by old norms, which is finally about to change. And I am part of that wave of change. I am so proud of it and I hope that along the way I have passed that pride on to my daughters - They should feel proud to dare to make decisions, go their own way and take responsibility. And to fail. I have met many women in recent years who have made or want to make a "switch", all those personalities and stories give me so much fuel.
When you look in the rearview mirror - was your switch based on your career or personal development
- My own personal development. During a time in life, other things had to take place, such as becoming an adult, job, family and children. There was both more space that made it possible and that I took care of what I wanted and what was going to happen. My person and personality started to take place and I felt safe in that. Life was like a smorgasbord and I saw myself as an obvious guest at the table. I started to take my share.
Why do you think many women make a mid-life switch?
- Because we have a platform, a foundation to stand on (it can be financial, social, etc.). We have enough know-how about what we like and don't like. The realization that comes along life's journey that we have a moment on earth and that it is now. Also that we are confident enough to believe in ourselves, we gather so much courage and ability along the way. We also have enough sense and common knowldege, to understand that everything starts with me/us and that it in turn affects everything and everyone around us. Life begins and ends with me and affects everyone around us.
